I had it since my late teen. It doesn’t go away.

Depression is a constant sadness, emotionally.

Depression is when people around you got shocked when you suddenly become fat or thin.

Depression doesn’t help you to sleep.

Depression is when you feel there is no purpose in living.

The irony is that, how you thought you want it to go away or erase it, you still got it. It does come back, in sec, hour, days, weeks, months or years.

When I first got it; for my many nights, or even afternoon my pillow will become soak wet from the random tears. You feel torture just thinking about something and eventually crying it out helps to stop the nonsense and helps you get sleep.

How did I survive without therapy and drugs? Well, at one point you did confess you want to die to your best bud. But, I think He doesn’t take it too seriously. Don’t blame him, being a random person doesn’t makes people take me seriously. But, I was deadly serious. But it does feel good to confess that you wish to die. Just like a movie.

Why am I still here? Pretty much the credit goes to my faith. It is good to have religion. I guess , any religion. I’m a muslim btw. Religion helps to think about reasons, love, sins, heaven and hell. Honestly, that is the only reason why I’m still here (alive).

Living with it, everyday? I design my living. The danger comes when I’m all alone and have nothing to do. So, I like to keep myself busy. I cook. I do read books. I read cooking books. I read biography to seek how people live their lives. I read Psychology magazine a lot! I have a collection of psychology academic books, to get a glimpse of how (my) brain works. But, honestly, I still have no clue how it works. I like to plan things in advance. I’m a structure person. Planing helps me to be busy in my mind too. I like instructional design on things. If I want to travel to someplace new, I’ll be planing it for years. I do get pleasure of planing it. Traveling alone really helps. Its like solving a puzzle in some people’s country. The difficulties of not speaking their native language really kick the challenge. I do think I do some philanthropist work. I believe helping others would help them less sad like me.  Working is important to me. Pretty safe to say, I’m a workaholic. I like to keep my job complete. Unless, I’m very tired or I really dislike doing it.

Advice to those with Depression. For those who can afford therapy, then go for it. For those who don’t, then share it. I believe it is best to get therapy and talk it out. It loosen the brain pain. Lastly, try and get a religion. It might help your life with a living purpose.